you know..
peter said i was just the type of girl who just needs a boyfriend who needs someone.
well hes wrong.
i dont need anyone..
i want someone who looks at me and loves everything about me, someone who sees my flaws and realizes thats a part of who i am and that is what makes me the perfect girl. so what if im not the perfect girl for you, im not trying to be. this is who i am. if you dont like it, im sorry theres nothing i can do, im not going to change for you.

yes i hate being alone... so being me i tend to use some guys, that are GREAT guys. they do care for me but i just dont have that feeling like i want to be with them, i like being around them, but i want that dieing urge to be with someone. i know i shouldnt pretend like something could happen with them when i know i cant do it, it is wrong, but sometimes its just what i need...selfish? maybe.

call me crazy. i want that fantasy..i want someone to do anything to be with me and take me away from here. someone who makes me happy, who can make me laugh and smile. i dont have that, i havent had that.



everyone keeps asking me why i want to move, whats so bad about my life. nothing! i really do have a great life. i love my dad and sister more than the world and i would do anything for them. but i need to find me who i am. and sitting here doing the same thing day in and day out isnt helping. i need to get out and figure out my life and who i am and who i want to be. is moving out to my moms really going to help? who knows.. but with her im not afraid of disapointing her i know she'll be happy to have me there. i think im craving a little attention and i know shes willing to give it to me and spend time with me. yes im going to my moms to feel loved, have someone who wants to spend time with me and see me. i dont have that here.

im ready for a change.. im going to find one.
not just the hair and attitude,
a life change.
a change that will make me happy.
a change for me. 
 

lonely

Last game last night.. lost to clarkston in district finals. :-/ afterwards went to taco bell with kai and brittney. 

after taco bell i took kai home, B went wit Lynds cuz she tried a camel.

then i took scott and anthony home, went back to my moms and realized i wanted to go to something so i went back over to scotts house and hung out with them until around 1 30.

plans for today.... BA and MOVIE.

ecstatic

went to BA with lyndsey, scott, daniel, james and harold.. it was sweet!

--AT KAILAHS HOUSE--

me and liz goin shoppin tomorrow morning :)

tired

ill start off by saying  I LOVE KAILAH AND ANDY! :D

on another note.. im really happy i got to know sam.. shes an awesome girl and scott doesnt deserve someone like her and i sure as hell dont ever want to be with someone like him! i was so stupid but thanks to everyone...kailah, liz, brittney, ashley, sam and my wonderful sister lyndz for being there! and thanks to REEFER for making me just about pee my pants everyday! lol you guys are awesome!

( homecomin pics* )



Mood: GREAT!
Music: having the time of her life..

7/29/05 <3 wat a boring day. (ash) lol

REVENGE

stayin up til 6 in the morning..crazy!

u be proud of that 5 star!

bouncy

mackinac island was SAWEET! im so happy i went!

the first night we just hung out with Tracey and some kids and then we went to bed. The next day was pretty full of events woke up took a shower then we went and got breakfast with Tracey on the house! :) we looked around for awhile then went horse back riding, then sailboating.. but liz was kinda upset cuz matt didnt go cuz he was golfing... then me, liz, and tracey went parasalling... FRICKIN SWEET, minus the dip lol and the lil short guy thought he was sweet and was hitting on liz haha!..."thats to bad i thought you were cool" HAHA that was funny then we celebrated liz's bday with everyone i wasnt to big on the food i tried everything but i didnt like most of it.. not a huge seafood person, i dont know. but the white fish dip was really good! met a billionaire and what are the chances hes daughter won the lottery..36 million.. HA lucky bastard :) but he was sweet! then the last day we went to the haunted house and went for a bike ride around the island and then we just went out to eat with everyone. but it was really fun im glad i went!

way to tell if someone likes you: grab their hand and if they grab back, your all set to go lol

sweet!

mackinaw island this weekend with liz

next weekend new york with jason and dan (i owe dan the biggest kiss of my life) haha

JASONDAN

then aug 1st through the 7th stephens coming to visit :D SOOO EXCITEDSTEPHEN!

hahahahaha... KAILAHS A BIG TIME DRIVER! woot woot (dude if she dies in the car her family would get 5 million dollars.. hmmm) ;)

GREAT!

matt and jim-gf

mark and liz- questionable

went to liz's and swam with ashley for a while and now im at kailahs cuz shes yano awesome and stuff :)

( BEST FRIENDS ROCK * )



Mood: high
Music: out of control+

wow so up north was a blast!! seeing evan was frickin sweet, lol me, evan , and liz listening to taren and hanging out that was sweet.. haha DARK AIR oooo scary! ;)

next day danielle, sabz, erica, and kenz showed up and thats when mark, matt and jim came over on their frickin sexy as hail jet skis!!! we went out on their boat, sabz went wakeboardin, took a hard fall! Then they went and got their jet skis.. danielle went on with matt, liz with mark and me with jim with his hot shoes. hmm lol no really they are hot (the shoes). LOVE THE JET SKIS! (mark got my hopes up.."he was to go on with you")

Kyle and Edwards then showed up and that night we went to the fire works at lake huron which were beautiful. found out about jims gf and liz and mark got close, and had to do a secret note lol i felt weird!

On the way back from the fireworks was fun. danielle talking but edwards voice! haha Once we got back made a fire and we all just hung out around that. Rich came over for a lil while.

Next day liz and danielle went out on the jet skis.. for a half hour! lol :) and once they got back everyone left besides me and liz. jim and matt also left leaving mark. he came over that night and we watched hide and seek

Next day which would be wednesday my mom got me excited and said we could take out the boat so i went and undid the cover and laid out on it for a long ass time till finally rich came over and offered a ride on his jet ski so i went and then mark went over and got liz on his. Then rich made me fall off so that was enough for me lol and i went up to ask my mom when we were gonna be able to take out the boat and she like yelled at me and i waited for a while longer and then we finally went to Alpena with mark and went and seen land of the dead. sucked! lol JANUARY 17 liz is an idiot!!!!! gawd then went back to the cabins mark went out to eat and my g-ma told me i had to put the boat cover back on so yeah liz was no help and rich came over and i hoped he would help but no he didnt they just sat there and watched me. jerks! lol that night seen a shooting star! i did make a wish but i cant tell you what it is and it was actually a really really dumb wish!! lol but oh well

so EXCITED FOR NEW YORK!! going to my uncles wedding but get to go see DAN and JASON!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSS so excited seriously i cant wait

content

( MMMMM PENNIES! :) )



Mood: sick
Music: ..broken up, deep inside

so saturday night talked to c. miller for a few hours then pretty much slept until 2ish then i got up and picked up erica from work and hung out with her and lynds then went and picked up c.miller went to ashleys work and ate a piece of pie then me and chris waited in the parking lot bcuz erica and lynds left and went shopping. once they picked us up we went to my dads house and and chris played video games and lynds and erica went somewhere. Then after a while of playing games.. which by the way i totally beat chris a few times at racing. :D then later that night i took lyndsey to ambers and me erica and chris got taco bell and then we went back to my dads and lexi came over and then we just hung out all night and laid around. it was a whole lotta fun :-D tomorrow suppose to go to church with chris. should be fun.. and erica wants to go clubing saturday but i dont know about that one. ugh man

  just for kicks

GREAT

( i know you think its not enough, but i could never give it up. )



Mood: content
Music: so far down

just got back from 6th grade camp. so to start things off i played MASH with kaitlin, im goin to marry chris and have one kid and a proch.. sweet i know lol well i got to be a counsler with this guy mike.. who was 26 so i didnt get to hang out with chris, vince, chad, or benny that much but thats alrite. i think day three was deffinitly the best.. i got to do activities with Rowen.. whew i dont know why but i think he is so hot, and his acient. oh man. lol 'dreamy' is wat the girls called him. and then there was my lil Lauren.. my so called "shadow" lol shes such a sweet heart. then there was my trouble makers.. Kyle, Nick, J.D, and Brandon lol Kyle wore the same shorts everyday until we made him put some pants on bcuz it was snowing. JD.. the fartmachine lol oh geeze. Then there was Jordan who kept poking me sheesh. that got annoying quick lol. BUST EM OUT...lol kristin. HAHA when that girl feel in the mud me and Marissa were laughing sooo hard. but yeah rowen.. ah lol yeah im a loser and everyone else thought dutch was hot. but oh well. but yeah  i had tons of fun and i think liz did. i think my favorite thing was when me, liz, kristin and marissa did a 007 in our cabin im the middle of the night and the girls thought a bear was in the cabin lol. and rowen with the chocolate in the middle of the apples if u eat them fast enough, and the garlic deffinitly has to be my favorite, chug.chug.chug lol, and if u try it i will. ah geeze im deffinitly goin again next year. my kids were awesome. but im out later.

flirty

( IM THE MANAGER lol )



Mood: good
Music: ..and i will be singing, to only u

so my day..

worked from 10 - 2 then went to the clarks.. me and danielle were gonna get our nails done but when i went to the bank to get money it was closed, so instead i went and hung out with liz.. got new flip flops :D and watched DIRTY DANCING havana nights.. OMG liz.. next year homecoming! cant wait lol we better both keep our promise. :)

content

If You Woke Up and I Was In Bed With You, What Would Be Your FiRsT Thought?
-Post This In Your LiveJournal And See The Responses You Get--

happy

( DETROIT BASKETBALL* )



Mood: good
Music: i want my baby back baby back..

( remembering old times* )



Mood: content
Music: ...there was nothin to worry about.

( realizing you were wrong, really isnt so bad* )



Mood: sorry..
Music: ..i need you

( if time wasnt such a luxury* )



Mood: amused
Music: it will be alrite..